My Experience on Rainychat

So the other day I was reading https://www.reddit.com/r/infj and I came across this stickied post that says "Vent your problems or listen to one on Rainychat (rainychat.com). Completely anonymous."

Being the person that I am(no, not good hearted, by that I mean boreddddd), I went to rainy chat to take a look. 

You can either choose to be a 'Vent-er' or a 'Listener', so being the BORING person I am, I chose to listen because then I don't have to think of something to say(Aha!).

Well below is part of my conversation with a person called "Spell" while I am named Karma(the irony, I don't believe in Karma). This was our conversation bar the introductions because my internet connection died but luckily I still found the same person to chat with in the end, heh. 

The first part of our conversation was speaking about what Spell is doing, and he told me about his life, how he is studying in India, as a teenager in university in the field of IT, how it is his last semester and he is getting a little stressed. I think. 

But anyways, the 2nd part of our conversation is recorded below:

Me - Karma; Indian guy - Spell.

• Spell: Hola!3:55
• Karma: hola amigo3:56
• Spell: What's up?3:56
• Karma: I was on rainy chat and it just kicked me out. was talking to someone about IT and stuff. Oops i feel bad for the person :X What about you?3:56
• Spell: Don't worry. I am the same person 3:56
• Karma: Ahhhh3:57
• Karma: HI3:57
• Karma: Ooops omg I don't know what happened3:57
• Spell: It's normal here 3:57
• Karma: Haha....3:57
• Karma: So, what do you really want to do besides IT?3:57
• Spell: Psychology, anthropology, architecture, literature and heck I am not sure.3:58
• Karma: Hmm you mentioned literature. What authors are you a fan of?3:58
• Spell: Kafka and Hemingway3:59
• Spell: Are you interested in literature too?3:59
• Karma: Me? I took in in secondary school as I enjoy reading. It was a joy and still is even though I'm more busy nowadays4:00
• Karma: I prefer poems to books though  Seem to convey good meaning and it is easier to finish than a book in a busy world we live in now4:00
• Karma: How often do you read nowadays?4:01
• Spell: Not too much, it's my last semester here so I am busy doing assignments etc.4:01
• Karma: Ah...4:01
• Karma: Are you holding on fine?4:02
• Karma: Sometimes we don't pressurize ourselves, but the expectations from friends, parents and teachers can start to weigh us down.4:02
• Spell: Not really but I am happy that it will be over within a week 4:02
• Karma: That's good! I wish you all the best that you will complete it and with time to spare. I presume these are individual assignments?4:03
• Spell: Thanks  and yes, they are!4:03
• Spell: How is your life anyway?4:03
• Karma: My life? hmm let's see4:04
• Karma: I'm having a fun time at work, but not because it's programming but the colleagues who are there. It's really nice to have a good boss and colleagues, it makes the work less stressful? And also well there's money4:05
• Karma: Money is good motivation for anything.  Now that I am earning my own keep I get to buy what I want. But I also start learning about importance to save too.4:05
• Spell: haha yes, your environment does play a big role in your life.4:05
• Karma: It's true! I have a sister, and she is a journalist. So as I see her manage her finances wherever she is(she works overseas and flies often as her job requires) I am inspired to manage it well too.4:06
• Karma: Do you have any siblings?4:06
• Spell: Yup, I am the youngest with 4 older siblings.4:07
• Karma: Woahh. That's a big family compared to mine. My sister is my only playmate when I was young. Do you have a favourite sibling?4:07
• Spell: Hahah no. I used to play a lot with my brother growing up, now he is busy with his education. Now, I spend much time with my sisters4:09
• Karma: Ah ok. It's always nice to have siblings that you can spend time with. Occasionally me and my sister we go and have meals just two of us and spend some quality sibling-ship time, and talk about our lives. Even though she has a boyfriend, we are still very close-knitted and I think that is something that will not change. What do you usually do with your sisters? (:4:10
• Spell: I don't know, we live with our parents so I guess we do almost everything together.4:12
• Karma: Any particular memory you think is memorable?4:13
• Spell: There are so many memories and I value those so much. Nothing really specific though4:14
• Spell: Btw are you aware of mbti?4:14
• Karma: yea kinda?4:14
• Karma: that's how i found this website HAHA4:14
• Spell: Infp here, what is your type?4:15
• Karma: Infj 4:15
• Karma: My friends all say that I;m too extroverted to be an I tho, well i guess time will tell.4:15
• Spell: I think they are right!4:16
• Spell: You sound very extroverted too4:16
• Karma: Haha you think so? I guess I could be Enfj. I do end up as a leader in my group projects often.4:16
• Karma: I like infps though, i have quite a few infp friends4:16
• Karma: They are often the quiet ones that watches out for others4:17
• Spell: haha thanks 4:17
• Karma: Well I guess you like helping people?4:17
• Spell: More like I want to understand them and sort out their problems4:18
• Spell: I guess that is helping people?4:18
• Karma: It is! It is a noble calling, what you have in mind. Do you often listen to people's problems? 4:18
• Spell: On rainychat usually..4:19
• Spell: and friends4:19
• Karma: I see...4:19
• Spell: But here i am as a venter lol4:19
• Karma: Just remember not to get too bogged down from their problems!4:19
• Karma: The emotional baggage can be a bit too much sometimes4:20
• Spell: This is the problem, I absorb almost everything, all their emotions and problems. One of the reason why I am here to vent. 4:20
• Spell: Talking to you has helped, you're so positive and I already feel good 4:21
• Karma: Haha I suddenly thought of you as a sponge, just soaking everything and washing all the dirt away from everyone else. Just remember that you should keep up with your reflecting! Maybe do some meditation of sorts. Even sponges get dirty too 4:22
• Karma: You deserve to be clean and fresh too4:22
• Spell: lol what a beautiful imagination you have!4:23
• Spell: Yeah I know.Thanks for listening and helping out 4:23
• Karma: It's been my pleasure. Never chatted with someone from India before, and guess what? I enjoyed it thoroughly!4:23
• Karma: You have a nice pleasant personality, so remember that!4:24
• Karma: Have you tried cycling? If you could cycle to some nature park or serene place, I think you would find some peace and serenity which would help you 4:25
• Spell: It has been my pleasure too.4:25
• Spell: Yeah I like to walk in nature, probably the best thing in the world!4:25
• Karma: same for me! I like to jog and just enjoy the canopy shade. It has always been one of my joys and it helps me keep myself healthy too. Sitting too long in front of the computer isn't very good sometimes 4:26
• Spell: That's nice!4:27
• Spell:https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/4h43vd/what_books_do_you_reckon_are_unfilmable/?sort=top4:27
• Spell: Read the top comment, something you might find funny4:27
• Karma: "I couldn't stop watching. Literally. It contained an infinite loop" -The New York Times4:28
• Karma: HAHAHAHA4:28
• Spell: hahaha xD4:28
• Karma: I would certainly watch such a movie!  I might face a problem of being a nuisance in the movie theater from laughing too loud though... 4:30
• Karma: Hey a riddle for you!4:30
• Karma: Who is fatter, the introvert or the extrovert?4:30
• Karma: 4:30
• Spell: Introverts I think 4:31
• Spell: what's the answer?4:31
• Karma: Guess why? It's a lame joke4:31
• Karma: HAHA4:31
• Karma: Because introverts always need more "space"4:31
• Karma: *chuckles*4:31
• Spell: hahaha, your chuckle is even more funnier though lol4:32
• Karma: haha, it's a lame joke i saw somewhere. Always thought it to be pretty funny.4:32
• Karma: I guess i often read the internet for such jokes  It always helps me to not be so serious4:33
• Karma: Sometimes we can get too cooped up with studies, work so it's always nice to take a breather and enjoy life as it comes!4:33
• Spell: Right!4:34
• Spell: Thanks Mr/Ms. Programmer! 4:34
• Karma: no problem4:34
• Karma: are you going for lunch?4:34
• Karma: I am waiting for dinner now while snacking4:35
• Spell: No, I am going to pray first..will eat lunch later4:36
• Spell: Wow, you sure love food!4:36
• Karma: Ahh haha... yes food is good 4:36
• Karma: oh okay! It's always good to pray 4:36
• Spell: Yeah, do you believe in God?4:37
• Karma: yes! I'm a christian4:37
• Karma: what about you?4:37
• Spell: Yeah, I am Muslim 4:37
• Karma: oh that's nice!4:37
• Karma: I have quite a number of muslim friends, they are always very polite4:38
• Spell: That's nice. 4:38
• Spell: Anyway I gotta go 4:38
• Karma: All right!4:38
• Karma: no problem  hope we meet again!4:38
• Spell: It was nice talking to you. Thanks again 4:38
• Karma: enjoy your prayers and lunch 4:38
• Spell: haha ok4:38
• Spell: bye4:38
• Karma: Bye! 4:39
• Your partner left. Have a nice day!

Thought of the day #1

Being smart means you're quick witted. Being wise means you're experienced.

Being smart can save you from disastrous situations, but being wise means you never fall into such a situation.

So, which do you want to be?

-huangxi
20 May 16

Poem - Flight

When will be the time that this fight will end

I no longer sit and play pretend

No longer awake throughout the night

For I fly to the heavens - out of sight!

Thoughts as Polytechnic life is ending

There has been, in the past few days, since the completion of my school project, where there is just this eternal sadness of a certain kind that has filled me within. I cannot find the reason why this is happening, I only know I am sad and that I want to just feel everything in the world because it seems I have lost my ability to feel the external world. Lost my sensing. 

There is no reason for me to be sad but I am. There is nothing for me to be angry about but I am filled with an immense anger to throw fists onto the wall, until my mind stops me, reminding me of the pain that will come and a lack of benefit from doing that.

Maybe it isn't the lack of reason to be sad. But because I never needed a reason to be happy, now that I really did not have a tangible reason to be happy, I can't feel happy.

Is life reaching a standstill? Or is this how transition feels like? 



Not really too much. But I guess everything will be fine in its time. Change and being diligent in your work is the hardest thing around to do, especially when you're working to pay off bills.... the motivation just isn't there and the only reason you do it is to survive? Tough. But sometimes it is the only way to survive to see another day, to climb another mountain, to grow another muscle until we are able to achieve the lifestyle that we want.

Wreaths

When the red is quiet
and the yellow full
Men circle around
to see
You.

A church hymm plays through
Echoes bellow and resonates
our tears as
we place
Lilies.

The garlands - white and fresh
dancing like you yet
could not represent
your beautiful
smile.

Rectangular hole dug with reluctance
coffin lowered - with care.
The hardest part
was hiding -
you.

-cricantrail

Rapping in the night because my mind wont sleep

Reasons for treasons, i know tis the season, 

I am in the wrong, just shouldn't let it be born -

Into words, these thoughts should be kept silent

Coz the less you sin the more you get to heaven

and words they come, out of my mouth

only to defile and to give you a crown

of thorns, that hurt ya, that only destroy ya

it's no longer a game if the gun points bazinga

and bang there it goes, you're dead and who knows

the final words that you speak, you're now dead and alone - 

those final touches that you gave to this broken world

will stay all the more silent as your tongue no longer swirls

In peace! I hope -  thats where we stay

or rather its our only wish that we today pray

For ourselves, I mean who at all doesn't

want to live a life without having to ask God questions

I mean happiness! That's truth and that's our goal,

To spread out our wings and fly to the rainbow

with smiles,that are brighter than a thousand suns

and I can't even believe the person I nearly become

As I see! I look into this cracked mirror

I see the person I wanted to give a big whirl-

And punch! with my fists, to knock him out

As I became the person I have always screamed about

Poem: I Never Knew

I never knew what I wanted to do,
So all I did was write.
I filled pages and pages up in full
with the scribbles of my life.

I never knew where I wanted to go,
So all I did was walk.
Journeying through deserts and snow
and hanging on treetops.

I never knew when i wanted to leave,
so all I did was stay.
Listened to the chatter and laughter in peace
as night turns into day.

I never knew who I wanted to meet,
so all i did was find -
in parties, subways and the alleyways
till you got on my mind.


I always have my thoughts for writing on the train, in parties when I am gazing into the unknown, and in the quiet alleyways where the chatter fills me and I just get hit by this crazy ball of words mixed with a fiery rocket of emotions, much like a bottle of tequila ignited on fire that just burns us into the future of our dreams.

Most of the time, as I am a person of rhythm, who moves and even talks and thinks in beats, albeit irregular at times. This may be a reason why I write in iambic pentameter or just pentameter at times.

Writing has always been a passion. I have no hope but this: that one day I will look back on all the poems I have written on this blog and be able to say I am a much better writer and person now. To be able to say that I have stayed drunk on writing throughout the journey.


-samuel

I Jumped to Catch but Fell

Motivation by pain, and not love is a sad thing.

You worked so hard, but no one sees past the smoke screen.

The gentle rain showers turns the pavement grey,

It makes us all sad so the sun turns it silver again.

But oh! What a tragedy, all we felt was scorch-

ing heat, our sweat stains on our shirt drops,

Curse and swear, hating on the sunrays,

As we fail to see the beauty of the rainbow overhead.

-ct

The rainbow and the just risen sun, across the azure blue sky. It is a beautiful sight to behold. Tiny mockingbirds up in the sky, they sing a song to welcome to entering of dawn. The air is gently wet with dew and the droplets from the after-rain weather glistens on the gentle leave blades, sparkling and looking pretty just like the flower they surround. The fresh, morning smell of loveliness showered from the sky filled across the meadows, and with it they bring the morning light. This isn't like the other mornings. It is the first time I could smell the warmth of the weather, and the coolness of the sun. I stood up and was surprised at my own ability to read the scene. It has been 15 years since I last slept in this attap house, but I could still remember how it felt back then. 

I had a dream in 2 hours of sleep.

I just fell asleep peacefully for the first time and dreamt. It wasn't under the dream catcher for I wasn't under my bed. I fell asleep by the side while in my house, sprawled and reading a book when I felt tired and my eyes closed, contacts still inside. 

 Yes.

I dreamt a dream, and it was my first in ages, perhaps years. With one so clear, definitely the first.

You always knew I couldn't sleep well, I never told you why.
I never told you I never had dreams. 

Dreaming, if you ever were an inquisitive person like me, happens when there is REM. Rapid eye movement. Sleep that happen about two hours after you dozed off. That is when most dreams occur.
Deep sleep occurs after REM take place.

I fall into deep sleep quite often. At least I believe so. Why?
Because when I fall asleep its sometimes hard to wake me up and get me to a full conscious state.

But after about 6 hours since the start of my slumber, I awake at the first burst of sunrays, or the first laughter bursting forth from a distance. In fact, it's anything that's unfamiliar to the alleys of my life.

But after so long, and for the first time, I had a dream.

I dreamt something I knew was possible after a gigantic eon.
But would probably not come to pass.

But I'm happy that I dreamt. But as I look at it and realized I have not been under the dream catcher, not under the mythical protection of it, or rather, not under the protection of your good will, - I wonder if it was a good dream at all.

Pre birthday thoughts.

Having a million scattered thoughts to pen down, i went to read a book.

The breaking of waves, the white in waves... Still wondering what this means.

Searching for an answer, looking for my epiphany. 

Deadline is in 8 days.

Am i doomed?

I honestly felt this year will be my best birthday ever.

I still think so though it feels not.

Maybe my intuition can prove my feelings wrong for once.

Uneasiness

People keep strumming the wrong strings, and clap for the pop tunes, no one realises talent for its worth, and the notion of hard work is overrated.

Kill me for the post, strip me thin and bare, a brain wins rote learning when motivation's square.

Best friends

When you learn so much about a person and now you are forced to forget most of it until you become best friends again(if it ever happens), its hard. 

Its so hard.

Because honestly speaking, at least as an infj, i only stop caring if you make me slam the door on you. Or else i see no reason to slam the door.

No reason at all.

You should never slam the door on a person. Everyone is a nice person when you really get to know them deep down.

I hope i will be able to move on.

It will probably take another week, even though i told you a month. I don't think you would need to forget about me, but it would be better for you. A bridge can always be built again, but if you want to prevent a flood, build a dam.

A dam is high. A dam only let its waters flow in bursts. A dam doesnt work like a river, the water doesn't flow so often.

If we want to work it out, it has to be a dam. Meetings are less regular, at least in the beginning. After that, at least until the confirmation has come again that I've moved on, we can try out the friendship again.

My mistake the previous time was running away.

It helped and i took a month to erase the memory which wasn't strong.

But i realised.

"Running away from something is no good. But running to something, now thata different. That's running to a goal. Running away from something, if you do that you may not like what you find." - Uncle Axel, paraphrased excerpt from The Chrysalids

Its time for me to run to something instead of running away.

I'm wiser now. 

-huangxi.

A Day's Journey

The tangerine sun waltz through the sky

As time goes from dawn to dusk

The arc of the trail of its blazing rays

Like a boomerang swerved past

The cheerful chirp catapults through the boulevards 

As the gentle breeze sweeps me off my feet 

And journeys me afar

The clouds are singing

The wind is dancing 

Cant you see oh?

Its a good day rejoicing!

The streets are filled with autumn air

Canopies are shades of red

Lets have fun just like the leaves

Dancing till they're dead

Its a day - turned into night 

Let's start the campfire

We'll dance around feeling the warmth

Make merry in cold weather

The moon is glowing

The stars are shining 

Can you feel it?

We're all now sparkling!

The bonfire crackles as the wood creaks

And fades with it the light

But the ambers within glow through and through

And stay throughout the night.

As the breathing ceases and the heaving starts

We all lie on the floor

Drunkards sober whatever the like

On the ground we snore

The night is passing,

Dew is forming,

When tomorrow comes,

We'll keep walking.

-cricantrail :)

Been thinking

I've been thinking.

The way I do things, the way I try to do things. The way I help people.

One day, I'm gonna be doing it when suddenly it just breaks me.






When that happens, I hope there will be a true friend there to hold my broken pieces.

Imagine a Daydream

While I lie here in bed,
I realize why God didn't give me dreams at night.
Because in the day,
Whenever I see you I see my dreams come true

And through the skies I never see stars,
I often wonder where they are.
I thought it strange, and bizarre,
but once I saw you my mouth's ajar

Your smile is a delight to the soul,
with you the journey gets better,
It's never too late when I'm with you
For you make the darkest nights brighter

I think of you as I look at the sky;
it is a stardust twilight.
My thoughts stir from dawn to dusk;
wishing our paths again collide.

Close to the darkest of the night,
the abyss swept past me.
Terror of thoughts unfulfilled
I begin to tremble

Cohesive thoughts of you I form
To keep my mind in light
I wish to know how the story ends
so I know whether to fight; or flight.