Ever heard of the phrase, "Don't Judge" or ever heard someone saying to you "Hey, are you trying to judge me? Could you not judge me?"
Now the meaning of the word judge(when used as a verb) according to dictionary.reference.com/browse/judge is as follows:
1. to pass legal judgment on; pass sentence on (a person): The court judged him guilty.
2. to hear evidence or legal arguments in (a case) in order to pass judgment; adjudicate; try: The Supreme Court is judging that case.
3. to form a judgment or opinion of; decide upon critically: You can't judge a book by its cover.
4. to decide or settle authoritatively; adjudge: The censor judged the book obscene and forbade its sale.
5. to infer, think, or hold as an opinion; conclude about or assess: He judged her to be correct.
Now we will be looking at the 3rd, 4th and 5th meaning for the current context that we are in.
Now to "judge" for that matter per se means to infer think or hold an opinion. An opinion is a view of one or more persons. Now to view means to look at or inspect. So doesn't that means that as long as we have viewed someone we have judged them?
That would be subconscious judging, or people watching.
So this means that as long as we have opinions about someone we are judging them. So what is the right word to use when others judge us for what we do?
Or what should we say when we want to express disapproval?
Firstly, I have to say this, be sensitive. Tactfulness will be much appreciated. Don't constantly look at their bad points in that area, look for good ones to talk about to encourage him. However do not be fake. Being fake is easily noticed, and while they may give you the benefit of the doubt, they would have already subconsciously lowered your credibility.
Now, let's go on.
When you express your disapproval for let's just say, a particular action made by the other party and you say, hey that's childish and you start approaching him and that's also cause you care for this good friend of yours. Now first off tell him that you feel a little surprised(or very surprised at his action depending on the extent but no exaggeration please).
Now express your point of view and why you feel disappointed/whatever you are feeling. For me I would give analogies
(if you read my blog long enough you know I use analogies(metaphors, poems) all the time) to state my point of view.
Now ask in a very tactful tone, what is his take on this behaviour, or his point of view or his reasoning behind it.
Now you must force yourself to fit into his shoes, walk around in it, and understand where he is coming from.
If it makes sense, accept his logic and say something like: "Ahh, I see where you're coming from." But also please DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT be FAKE.
If his logic is "MEHHH. Cant be bothered." Then just leave the matter hanging there, and since you took the time explaining it to him, most likely he is a good friend of yours and he means a lot to you. Then try to change him by having the attitude you want him to have. In Chinese there is this saying 近朱者赤近墨者黑, which means the people you mix around with will affect how you will behave, and likely you be like them.
Another saying is "Iron sharpens iron" quoted from 27:17 from the Bible, and it means that mixing around with good people helps to sharpen the blunt aspects of your life.
So be a good iron. Help your friend.
But remember, don't be fake, and be very tactful.
Oh, and PS: if they accuse you of judging, bring them to this post. Everyone judge, ok. By saying someone is for example, pretty, you have already judged her. In which you pass her in your 'judgement' instead of fail.
Tell them that you are expressing disapproval, which is a subset of judging. Therefore you are more concise.