Moving House

2 weeks ago, I celebrated my 21st birthday.

Apologies. I meant, I had my 21st birthday.

All right fine, I turned 21.

Since then till now, adult life has been a little bit of a hussle.

Starting with, I had to move out and get a room(with myself only, dummy).

Packing your stuff is a HUGE thing to do especially if you have not done it before.

^ A pic of some of the stuff at my old place

A pic of some other stuff which I brought to my new place.

Moving house is a.... time where you gather everything you have and you really decide what do you want to keep and what do you want to throw.

And it isn't easy, as you need to know what memories you want to keep and what you should move on from.

But at the end of the day, keep making new memories and new experiences.

A new place as I prepare myself to enter the new year.

Turned 21 too so I'm an adult now.

But what does life hold for an adult like me?

Still yet to find out.

Poem: Sparrow

Sparrows

Her heart to her beloved

was that of a lone sparrow

Tattooed indelibly with blood

that flowed from the heart with sorrow

An issue of blood caused by remorse

drawn on the fingertips with time

Every drip and drop - her loss

As she creates a red sunshine

The strength resonates through her dark red blood

Lack of oxygen, deprived of oxytocin;

She tried to love others as hard

and as deep as from her heart within

Petite little sparrow, such insignificance!

Dejection faced, would an angel appear?

Yet the organs inside show that there's no difference

Between her and another, from front to rear.

But yet a mystery within her holds
A unique sparkle, dazzle and shimmer
She steadies her footing as her beauty unfolds
And face the future - smiling both eyes closed.

Dedicated to someone

-huangxi

Whatever. Rough sketch of a poem

Angels won't buy my mixtape
Satan kept my space in hell
I ain't even talking shit on rape
It's just some sentences don't flow so well

They talk to me about reputation
When we bite the dust it's all about the money
They can't fathom this weird sensation
All they want is to be happy

Who cares about the field beyond the fence
It ain't about being hipster or grass being greener
Yes your lost when it comes to romance
But stay true to yourself, well that's what matter

Never mind the stares, or the chatter behind
You have one destiny in this race against time
Face tilted up, embracing sunshine
Nevermind what i lose for it aint even mine

No matter the obstacles along my journey
Just don't stop me from my destiny
I have one life, with one pursuit,
I'll burn with passion, and finish my route.\



-will edit again when I feel better about myself

Poem: Repose

Can you hear the muted screams
From human bones in dried river streams
These skulls, joints and broken bones
Though together were all so alone

The neighbouring dust and stones disguise
The pain and suffering inside
Each step taken into the valley
Gave them anguish instead of merry

These people had their ups in life
But through this down did not survive
Had they finished their melody
Would they have lived their destiny

Sad sights heaven saw looking down below
Weary people, soulless eyes use rocks for pillow

1. Many tears they cried for they didn't win but lose

At least in heaven they now have repose

-cthx

In life, heaven is often seen as struggles repose.
In our father's arms we have our failures' repose.
But if you sojourn alone, you give your own repose.

To a certain you out there: stop being so hard on yourself. You go through the valleys of life and you failed somewhere along the way, your dreams turn to dust and your anger got you carried away, this anger at self don't let it stay, but remember keep happiness at bay. Think of the sun in the month of May, shining brightly at noonday; you are good enough don't prove it to me, it doesn't matter for you're loved already.

-huangxi

Poem: Parting Picture

The shirts we don were both in white,
But our hearts no longer knew
Coz though we stood there side by side,
We didn't have a clue
As to why we weren't talking,
Or what to talk about
All that's left is silence dancing -
And the sound it makes - so loud.

We took a picture - who's idea?
printed it on paper.
One for you and one for me,
To hold it just as dear
But after you left you then recalled,
The picture's stil' at my place.
We then agreed to meet again
And it'll be yours when I see your face.

And as I returned to my abode
Two polaroids at my place.
Identical were the smiles that showed
The happiness on our face.
But the picture just couldn't capture
The feelings in my heart.
I don't know if you want together
But I don't want to be apart.

-hx

Poem: Adieu

Youre the hardest friend to lose, 
i'll be sad to see you go. 
But you have to know, 
it hurts for me to hold.

-ct, 5 Apr 2016

My Experience on Rainychat

So the other day I was reading https://www.reddit.com/r/infj and I came across this stickied post that says "Vent your problems or listen to one on Rainychat (rainychat.com). Completely anonymous."

Being the person that I am(no, not good hearted, by that I mean boreddddd), I went to rainy chat to take a look. 

You can either choose to be a 'Vent-er' or a 'Listener', so being the BORING person I am, I chose to listen because then I don't have to think of something to say(Aha!).

Well below is part of my conversation with a person called "Spell" while I am named Karma(the irony, I don't believe in Karma). This was our conversation bar the introductions because my internet connection died but luckily I still found the same person to chat with in the end, heh. 

The first part of our conversation was speaking about what Spell is doing, and he told me about his life, how he is studying in India, as a teenager in university in the field of IT, how it is his last semester and he is getting a little stressed. I think. 

But anyways, the 2nd part of our conversation is recorded below:

Me - Karma; Indian guy - Spell.

• Spell: Hola!3:55
• Karma: hola amigo3:56
• Spell: What's up?3:56
• Karma: I was on rainy chat and it just kicked me out. was talking to someone about IT and stuff. Oops i feel bad for the person :X What about you?3:56
• Spell: Don't worry. I am the same person 3:56
• Karma: Ahhhh3:57
• Karma: HI3:57
• Karma: Ooops omg I don't know what happened3:57
• Spell: It's normal here 3:57
• Karma: Haha....3:57
• Karma: So, what do you really want to do besides IT?3:57
• Spell: Psychology, anthropology, architecture, literature and heck I am not sure.3:58
• Karma: Hmm you mentioned literature. What authors are you a fan of?3:58
• Spell: Kafka and Hemingway3:59
• Spell: Are you interested in literature too?3:59
• Karma: Me? I took in in secondary school as I enjoy reading. It was a joy and still is even though I'm more busy nowadays4:00
• Karma: I prefer poems to books though  Seem to convey good meaning and it is easier to finish than a book in a busy world we live in now4:00
• Karma: How often do you read nowadays?4:01
• Spell: Not too much, it's my last semester here so I am busy doing assignments etc.4:01
• Karma: Ah...4:01
• Karma: Are you holding on fine?4:02
• Karma: Sometimes we don't pressurize ourselves, but the expectations from friends, parents and teachers can start to weigh us down.4:02
• Spell: Not really but I am happy that it will be over within a week 4:02
• Karma: That's good! I wish you all the best that you will complete it and with time to spare. I presume these are individual assignments?4:03
• Spell: Thanks  and yes, they are!4:03
• Spell: How is your life anyway?4:03
• Karma: My life? hmm let's see4:04
• Karma: I'm having a fun time at work, but not because it's programming but the colleagues who are there. It's really nice to have a good boss and colleagues, it makes the work less stressful? And also well there's money4:05
• Karma: Money is good motivation for anything.  Now that I am earning my own keep I get to buy what I want. But I also start learning about importance to save too.4:05
• Spell: haha yes, your environment does play a big role in your life.4:05
• Karma: It's true! I have a sister, and she is a journalist. So as I see her manage her finances wherever she is(she works overseas and flies often as her job requires) I am inspired to manage it well too.4:06
• Karma: Do you have any siblings?4:06
• Spell: Yup, I am the youngest with 4 older siblings.4:07
• Karma: Woahh. That's a big family compared to mine. My sister is my only playmate when I was young. Do you have a favourite sibling?4:07
• Spell: Hahah no. I used to play a lot with my brother growing up, now he is busy with his education. Now, I spend much time with my sisters4:09
• Karma: Ah ok. It's always nice to have siblings that you can spend time with. Occasionally me and my sister we go and have meals just two of us and spend some quality sibling-ship time, and talk about our lives. Even though she has a boyfriend, we are still very close-knitted and I think that is something that will not change. What do you usually do with your sisters? (:4:10
• Spell: I don't know, we live with our parents so I guess we do almost everything together.4:12
• Karma: Any particular memory you think is memorable?4:13
• Spell: There are so many memories and I value those so much. Nothing really specific though4:14
• Spell: Btw are you aware of mbti?4:14
• Karma: yea kinda?4:14
• Karma: that's how i found this website HAHA4:14
• Spell: Infp here, what is your type?4:15
• Karma: Infj 4:15
• Karma: My friends all say that I;m too extroverted to be an I tho, well i guess time will tell.4:15
• Spell: I think they are right!4:16
• Spell: You sound very extroverted too4:16
• Karma: Haha you think so? I guess I could be Enfj. I do end up as a leader in my group projects often.4:16
• Karma: I like infps though, i have quite a few infp friends4:16
• Karma: They are often the quiet ones that watches out for others4:17
• Spell: haha thanks 4:17
• Karma: Well I guess you like helping people?4:17
• Spell: More like I want to understand them and sort out their problems4:18
• Spell: I guess that is helping people?4:18
• Karma: It is! It is a noble calling, what you have in mind. Do you often listen to people's problems? 4:18
• Spell: On rainychat usually..4:19
• Spell: and friends4:19
• Karma: I see...4:19
• Spell: But here i am as a venter lol4:19
• Karma: Just remember not to get too bogged down from their problems!4:19
• Karma: The emotional baggage can be a bit too much sometimes4:20
• Spell: This is the problem, I absorb almost everything, all their emotions and problems. One of the reason why I am here to vent. 4:20
• Spell: Talking to you has helped, you're so positive and I already feel good 4:21
• Karma: Haha I suddenly thought of you as a sponge, just soaking everything and washing all the dirt away from everyone else. Just remember that you should keep up with your reflecting! Maybe do some meditation of sorts. Even sponges get dirty too 4:22
• Karma: You deserve to be clean and fresh too4:22
• Spell: lol what a beautiful imagination you have!4:23
• Spell: Yeah I know.Thanks for listening and helping out 4:23
• Karma: It's been my pleasure. Never chatted with someone from India before, and guess what? I enjoyed it thoroughly!4:23
• Karma: You have a nice pleasant personality, so remember that!4:24
• Karma: Have you tried cycling? If you could cycle to some nature park or serene place, I think you would find some peace and serenity which would help you 4:25
• Spell: It has been my pleasure too.4:25
• Spell: Yeah I like to walk in nature, probably the best thing in the world!4:25
• Karma: same for me! I like to jog and just enjoy the canopy shade. It has always been one of my joys and it helps me keep myself healthy too. Sitting too long in front of the computer isn't very good sometimes 4:26
• Spell: That's nice!4:27
• Spell:https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/4h43vd/what_books_do_you_reckon_are_unfilmable/?sort=top4:27
• Spell: Read the top comment, something you might find funny4:27
• Karma: "I couldn't stop watching. Literally. It contained an infinite loop" -The New York Times4:28
• Karma: HAHAHAHA4:28
• Spell: hahaha xD4:28
• Karma: I would certainly watch such a movie!  I might face a problem of being a nuisance in the movie theater from laughing too loud though... 4:30
• Karma: Hey a riddle for you!4:30
• Karma: Who is fatter, the introvert or the extrovert?4:30
• Karma: 4:30
• Spell: Introverts I think 4:31
• Spell: what's the answer?4:31
• Karma: Guess why? It's a lame joke4:31
• Karma: HAHA4:31
• Karma: Because introverts always need more "space"4:31
• Karma: *chuckles*4:31
• Spell: hahaha, your chuckle is even more funnier though lol4:32
• Karma: haha, it's a lame joke i saw somewhere. Always thought it to be pretty funny.4:32
• Karma: I guess i often read the internet for such jokes  It always helps me to not be so serious4:33
• Karma: Sometimes we can get too cooped up with studies, work so it's always nice to take a breather and enjoy life as it comes!4:33
• Spell: Right!4:34
• Spell: Thanks Mr/Ms. Programmer! 4:34
• Karma: no problem4:34
• Karma: are you going for lunch?4:34
• Karma: I am waiting for dinner now while snacking4:35
• Spell: No, I am going to pray first..will eat lunch later4:36
• Spell: Wow, you sure love food!4:36
• Karma: Ahh haha... yes food is good 4:36
• Karma: oh okay! It's always good to pray 4:36
• Spell: Yeah, do you believe in God?4:37
• Karma: yes! I'm a christian4:37
• Karma: what about you?4:37
• Spell: Yeah, I am Muslim 4:37
• Karma: oh that's nice!4:37
• Karma: I have quite a number of muslim friends, they are always very polite4:38
• Spell: That's nice. 4:38
• Spell: Anyway I gotta go 4:38
• Karma: All right!4:38
• Karma: no problem  hope we meet again!4:38
• Spell: It was nice talking to you. Thanks again 4:38
• Karma: enjoy your prayers and lunch 4:38
• Spell: haha ok4:38
• Spell: bye4:38
• Karma: Bye! 4:39
• Your partner left. Have a nice day!

Thought of the day #1

Being smart means you're quick witted. Being wise means you're experienced.

Being smart can save you from disastrous situations, but being wise means you never fall into such a situation.

So, which do you want to be?

-huangxi
20 May 16

Poem - Flight

When will be the time that this fight will end

I no longer sit and play pretend

No longer awake throughout the night

For I fly to the heavens - out of sight!

Thoughts as Polytechnic life is ending

There has been, in the past few days, since the completion of my school project, where there is just this eternal sadness of a certain kind that has filled me within. I cannot find the reason why this is happening, I only know I am sad and that I want to just feel everything in the world because it seems I have lost my ability to feel the external world. Lost my sensing. 

There is no reason for me to be sad but I am. There is nothing for me to be angry about but I am filled with an immense anger to throw fists onto the wall, until my mind stops me, reminding me of the pain that will come and a lack of benefit from doing that.

Maybe it isn't the lack of reason to be sad. But because I never needed a reason to be happy, now that I really did not have a tangible reason to be happy, I can't feel happy.

Is life reaching a standstill? Or is this how transition feels like? 



Not really too much. But I guess everything will be fine in its time. Change and being diligent in your work is the hardest thing around to do, especially when you're working to pay off bills.... the motivation just isn't there and the only reason you do it is to survive? Tough. But sometimes it is the only way to survive to see another day, to climb another mountain, to grow another muscle until we are able to achieve the lifestyle that we want.