Too many a times people only want to hear the things they want to hear, and to get it from a certain group of specific people.
This is also known as affirmation. To affirm the thought that the individual have in his mind. It is human nature to want to be affirmed by significant others, but nonetheless friends and acquaintances, I mean, who enjoys opposition? Even the strongest contender don’t want to wage a constant war.
Affirmation, is a form of encouragement, mainly expressed through words, and sometimes through actions.
The problem does not lie with affirming. The problem does not lie with opposition ether.
Therefore, what causes the problem?
Lack of supposed affirmation.
Now what the human mind begins to do is to map out a way to get the affirmation. Thus, it takes the safest route to ensure the highest probability of getting desired results. However, many a times though the human mind tries to make it the way we want it to be we often do not experience the déjà vu as we wanted. Now while this is only natural as it is only possible to be accurate if one is able to look through the perspective of the other individual. Moreover, the individual must understand the way the other party will react and by that standard, the individual would have to understand the events that happened to the person’s life and how it shaped the person to become the one standing today. This is practically impossible unless one is omnipotent.
So while it seem like something small, the human gives ascribed roles to people, and achieved roles to a few others. The problem is that the ascribed roles given could be due to one-time circumstance and thus can be considered a misjudgement of character. Thus when the predicted behaviour doesn’t happen but is instead replaced by an opposite behaviour, usually with the other party being aloof about the matter or ignorant (which is more severe than opposition).
How do we solve this problem?
This is simply explained, but oh! The coldness and stubbornness of the human heart. Nothing that is link to the mind can be easy.
To first eradicate this problem one must first be accepting of other’s differences. Not all are same, but all are equal. Thus, the very first step is to be accepting of the other party, and for all we know, may be trying to accept us for our differences which they consider peculiar and unique.
Now note that the removal of expectation is impossible. It is impossible to expect nothing from others, for expectation can only be placed when you have a form of respect for the other part. As respect may come from two areas: Admiration and Adoration. When you admire someone, a disappointment would destroy the admiration and shatter the credibility to pieces. However, adoration, or love for the other party, is different. When the other party disappoints, one does not cease to love, as in the previous example when one cease to respect. However, one is instead saddened by the difference. Now, when one seeks affirmation, remember that one will only seek affirmation from something one is enthusiastic about. If not, the affirmation would not be worthwhile.
This has sparked an interest in me. I have been testing it out by going around looking for affirmation for certain things, and when it wasn’t affirm, I discovered that I was very sad regarding the matter. Then I realised something.
Many a times when we are looking for affirmation, we don’t even know we are actually looking for it. It is as if, like our second nature to want to be loved.
If you are one whose love language is words of affirmation, or you really want someone to affirm you, I have a better suggestion.
Do something that soothes your brain. Write a poem, write a book, draw, try doing haikus, finish a crossword puzzle, dance half naked in the shower. If none of this works, try sleeping in a tent by a beach. Take your mind of things.
After that, when you come back, try and recall of the things that you subconsciously get others to affirm you for. Now try to improve on those areas, however possible. Also, look into the mirror every day. Point at it, and say: “You are awesome”.
Anything works fine. “Today is gonna be a great day”, “Today will be awesome!”, “I am pretty!” works.
Now do the above for at least one a day, for 10 weeks.
Now realise that the best form of motivation is intrinsic motivation. When we look for affirmation, it is not wrong, but affirmation is a form of extrinsic motivation. This means that it is not a lasting factor, and needs to be constantly replenished. This is also the same reason why a dad and mom does not stop saying good job after the baby manages to poop in the bowl properly once. They continue a few more times. Now when you look for affirmation, it is as if you do something in hope of praise from a bunch of significant others. However, intrinsic motivation can be defined as:
The motivation coming from the pleasure one receives from the task itself.
Now, while extrinsic motivation (the constant inducing of love, reward, or removal of punishment may lead to intrinsic motivation, however it is dangerous. The removal of it may lead to the worsening of condition. This is equivalent to a big country giving in to a friendly small ally all the time until they became spoiled and now the smaller country is demanding tribute.
When you have a task, it is often called a task because there is a reward attached, and that we don’t feel like doing it. However, there are ways to aid you. For example, try to look at the things you may be able to learn when you work on this task. As one of my favourite comic artist Nuzlocke would say, “Everything happens for a reason”.
Still want affirmation?
If you still do at this point, I have a word for you.
You are made unique, and beautiful the way you are. Keep on keeping on. The past does not define the future. Only your mind set can do that. Do not limit your mind set. The mind is one’s greatest asset. Nothing can stop you, only your thinking.
Everything is possible when one believes.