My Experience on Rainychat

So the other day I was reading https://www.reddit.com/r/infj and I came across this stickied post that says "Vent your problems or listen to one on Rainychat (rainychat.com). Completely anonymous."

Being the person that I am(no, not good hearted, by that I mean boreddddd), I went to rainy chat to take a look. 

You can either choose to be a 'Vent-er' or a 'Listener', so being the BORING person I am, I chose to listen because then I don't have to think of something to say(Aha!).

Well below is part of my conversation with a person called "Spell" while I am named Karma(the irony, I don't believe in Karma). This was our conversation bar the introductions because my internet connection died but luckily I still found the same person to chat with in the end, heh. 

The first part of our conversation was speaking about what Spell is doing, and he told me about his life, how he is studying in India, as a teenager in university in the field of IT, how it is his last semester and he is getting a little stressed. I think. 

But anyways, the 2nd part of our conversation is recorded below:

Me - Karma; Indian guy - Spell.

• Spell: Hola!3:55
• Karma: hola amigo3:56
• Spell: What's up?3:56
• Karma: I was on rainy chat and it just kicked me out. was talking to someone about IT and stuff. Oops i feel bad for the person :X What about you?3:56
• Spell: Don't worry. I am the same person 3:56
• Karma: Ahhhh3:57
• Karma: HI3:57
• Karma: Ooops omg I don't know what happened3:57
• Spell: It's normal here 3:57
• Karma: Haha....3:57
• Karma: So, what do you really want to do besides IT?3:57
• Spell: Psychology, anthropology, architecture, literature and heck I am not sure.3:58
• Karma: Hmm you mentioned literature. What authors are you a fan of?3:58
• Spell: Kafka and Hemingway3:59
• Spell: Are you interested in literature too?3:59
• Karma: Me? I took in in secondary school as I enjoy reading. It was a joy and still is even though I'm more busy nowadays4:00
• Karma: I prefer poems to books though  Seem to convey good meaning and it is easier to finish than a book in a busy world we live in now4:00
• Karma: How often do you read nowadays?4:01
• Spell: Not too much, it's my last semester here so I am busy doing assignments etc.4:01
• Karma: Ah...4:01
• Karma: Are you holding on fine?4:02
• Karma: Sometimes we don't pressurize ourselves, but the expectations from friends, parents and teachers can start to weigh us down.4:02
• Spell: Not really but I am happy that it will be over within a week 4:02
• Karma: That's good! I wish you all the best that you will complete it and with time to spare. I presume these are individual assignments?4:03
• Spell: Thanks  and yes, they are!4:03
• Spell: How is your life anyway?4:03
• Karma: My life? hmm let's see4:04
• Karma: I'm having a fun time at work, but not because it's programming but the colleagues who are there. It's really nice to have a good boss and colleagues, it makes the work less stressful? And also well there's money4:05
• Karma: Money is good motivation for anything.  Now that I am earning my own keep I get to buy what I want. But I also start learning about importance to save too.4:05
• Spell: haha yes, your environment does play a big role in your life.4:05
• Karma: It's true! I have a sister, and she is a journalist. So as I see her manage her finances wherever she is(she works overseas and flies often as her job requires) I am inspired to manage it well too.4:06
• Karma: Do you have any siblings?4:06
• Spell: Yup, I am the youngest with 4 older siblings.4:07
• Karma: Woahh. That's a big family compared to mine. My sister is my only playmate when I was young. Do you have a favourite sibling?4:07
• Spell: Hahah no. I used to play a lot with my brother growing up, now he is busy with his education. Now, I spend much time with my sisters4:09
• Karma: Ah ok. It's always nice to have siblings that you can spend time with. Occasionally me and my sister we go and have meals just two of us and spend some quality sibling-ship time, and talk about our lives. Even though she has a boyfriend, we are still very close-knitted and I think that is something that will not change. What do you usually do with your sisters? (:4:10
• Spell: I don't know, we live with our parents so I guess we do almost everything together.4:12
• Karma: Any particular memory you think is memorable?4:13
• Spell: There are so many memories and I value those so much. Nothing really specific though4:14
• Spell: Btw are you aware of mbti?4:14
• Karma: yea kinda?4:14
• Karma: that's how i found this website HAHA4:14
• Spell: Infp here, what is your type?4:15
• Karma: Infj 4:15
• Karma: My friends all say that I;m too extroverted to be an I tho, well i guess time will tell.4:15
• Spell: I think they are right!4:16
• Spell: You sound very extroverted too4:16
• Karma: Haha you think so? I guess I could be Enfj. I do end up as a leader in my group projects often.4:16
• Karma: I like infps though, i have quite a few infp friends4:16
• Karma: They are often the quiet ones that watches out for others4:17
• Spell: haha thanks 4:17
• Karma: Well I guess you like helping people?4:17
• Spell: More like I want to understand them and sort out their problems4:18
• Spell: I guess that is helping people?4:18
• Karma: It is! It is a noble calling, what you have in mind. Do you often listen to people's problems? 4:18
• Spell: On rainychat usually..4:19
• Spell: and friends4:19
• Karma: I see...4:19
• Spell: But here i am as a venter lol4:19
• Karma: Just remember not to get too bogged down from their problems!4:19
• Karma: The emotional baggage can be a bit too much sometimes4:20
• Spell: This is the problem, I absorb almost everything, all their emotions and problems. One of the reason why I am here to vent. 4:20
• Spell: Talking to you has helped, you're so positive and I already feel good 4:21
• Karma: Haha I suddenly thought of you as a sponge, just soaking everything and washing all the dirt away from everyone else. Just remember that you should keep up with your reflecting! Maybe do some meditation of sorts. Even sponges get dirty too 4:22
• Karma: You deserve to be clean and fresh too4:22
• Spell: lol what a beautiful imagination you have!4:23
• Spell: Yeah I know.Thanks for listening and helping out 4:23
• Karma: It's been my pleasure. Never chatted with someone from India before, and guess what? I enjoyed it thoroughly!4:23
• Karma: You have a nice pleasant personality, so remember that!4:24
• Karma: Have you tried cycling? If you could cycle to some nature park or serene place, I think you would find some peace and serenity which would help you 4:25
• Spell: It has been my pleasure too.4:25
• Spell: Yeah I like to walk in nature, probably the best thing in the world!4:25
• Karma: same for me! I like to jog and just enjoy the canopy shade. It has always been one of my joys and it helps me keep myself healthy too. Sitting too long in front of the computer isn't very good sometimes 4:26
• Spell: That's nice!4:27
• Spell:https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/4h43vd/what_books_do_you_reckon_are_unfilmable/?sort=top4:27
• Spell: Read the top comment, something you might find funny4:27
• Karma: "I couldn't stop watching. Literally. It contained an infinite loop" -The New York Times4:28
• Karma: HAHAHAHA4:28
• Spell: hahaha xD4:28
• Karma: I would certainly watch such a movie!  I might face a problem of being a nuisance in the movie theater from laughing too loud though... 4:30
• Karma: Hey a riddle for you!4:30
• Karma: Who is fatter, the introvert or the extrovert?4:30
• Karma: 4:30
• Spell: Introverts I think 4:31
• Spell: what's the answer?4:31
• Karma: Guess why? It's a lame joke4:31
• Karma: HAHA4:31
• Karma: Because introverts always need more "space"4:31
• Karma: *chuckles*4:31
• Spell: hahaha, your chuckle is even more funnier though lol4:32
• Karma: haha, it's a lame joke i saw somewhere. Always thought it to be pretty funny.4:32
• Karma: I guess i often read the internet for such jokes  It always helps me to not be so serious4:33
• Karma: Sometimes we can get too cooped up with studies, work so it's always nice to take a breather and enjoy life as it comes!4:33
• Spell: Right!4:34
• Spell: Thanks Mr/Ms. Programmer! 4:34
• Karma: no problem4:34
• Karma: are you going for lunch?4:34
• Karma: I am waiting for dinner now while snacking4:35
• Spell: No, I am going to pray first..will eat lunch later4:36
• Spell: Wow, you sure love food!4:36
• Karma: Ahh haha... yes food is good 4:36
• Karma: oh okay! It's always good to pray 4:36
• Spell: Yeah, do you believe in God?4:37
• Karma: yes! I'm a christian4:37
• Karma: what about you?4:37
• Spell: Yeah, I am Muslim 4:37
• Karma: oh that's nice!4:37
• Karma: I have quite a number of muslim friends, they are always very polite4:38
• Spell: That's nice. 4:38
• Spell: Anyway I gotta go 4:38
• Karma: All right!4:38
• Karma: no problem  hope we meet again!4:38
• Spell: It was nice talking to you. Thanks again 4:38
• Karma: enjoy your prayers and lunch 4:38
• Spell: haha ok4:38
• Spell: bye4:38
• Karma: Bye! 4:39
• Your partner left. Have a nice day!

Thought of the day #1

Being smart means you're quick witted. Being wise means you're experienced.

Being smart can save you from disastrous situations, but being wise means you never fall into such a situation.

So, which do you want to be?

-huangxi
20 May 16

Poem - Flight

When will be the time that this fight will end

I no longer sit and play pretend

No longer awake throughout the night

For I fly to the heavens - out of sight!

Thoughts as Polytechnic life is ending

There has been, in the past few days, since the completion of my school project, where there is just this eternal sadness of a certain kind that has filled me within. I cannot find the reason why this is happening, I only know I am sad and that I want to just feel everything in the world because it seems I have lost my ability to feel the external world. Lost my sensing. 

There is no reason for me to be sad but I am. There is nothing for me to be angry about but I am filled with an immense anger to throw fists onto the wall, until my mind stops me, reminding me of the pain that will come and a lack of benefit from doing that.

Maybe it isn't the lack of reason to be sad. But because I never needed a reason to be happy, now that I really did not have a tangible reason to be happy, I can't feel happy.

Is life reaching a standstill? Or is this how transition feels like? 



Not really too much. But I guess everything will be fine in its time. Change and being diligent in your work is the hardest thing around to do, especially when you're working to pay off bills.... the motivation just isn't there and the only reason you do it is to survive? Tough. But sometimes it is the only way to survive to see another day, to climb another mountain, to grow another muscle until we are able to achieve the lifestyle that we want.

Wreaths

When the red is quiet
and the yellow full
Men circle around
to see
You.

A church hymm plays through
Echoes bellow and resonates
our tears as
we place
Lilies.

The garlands - white and fresh
dancing like you yet
could not represent
your beautiful
smile.

Rectangular hole dug with reluctance
coffin lowered - with care.
The hardest part
was hiding -
you.

-cricantrail

Rapping in the night because my mind wont sleep

Reasons for treasons, i know tis the season, 

I am in the wrong, just shouldn't let it be born -

Into words, these thoughts should be kept silent

Coz the less you sin the more you get to heaven

and words they come, out of my mouth

only to defile and to give you a crown

of thorns, that hurt ya, that only destroy ya

it's no longer a game if the gun points bazinga

and bang there it goes, you're dead and who knows

the final words that you speak, you're now dead and alone - 

those final touches that you gave to this broken world

will stay all the more silent as your tongue no longer swirls

In peace! I hope -  thats where we stay

or rather its our only wish that we today pray

For ourselves, I mean who at all doesn't

want to live a life without having to ask God questions

I mean happiness! That's truth and that's our goal,

To spread out our wings and fly to the rainbow

with smiles,that are brighter than a thousand suns

and I can't even believe the person I nearly become

As I see! I look into this cracked mirror

I see the person I wanted to give a big whirl-

And punch! with my fists, to knock him out

As I became the person I have always screamed about

Poem: I Never Knew

I never knew what I wanted to do,
So all I did was write.
I filled pages and pages up in full
with the scribbles of my life.

I never knew where I wanted to go,
So all I did was walk.
Journeying through deserts and snow
and hanging on treetops.

I never knew when i wanted to leave,
so all I did was stay.
Listened to the chatter and laughter in peace
as night turns into day.

I never knew who I wanted to meet,
so all i did was find -
in parties, subways and the alleyways
till you got on my mind.


I always have my thoughts for writing on the train, in parties when I am gazing into the unknown, and in the quiet alleyways where the chatter fills me and I just get hit by this crazy ball of words mixed with a fiery rocket of emotions, much like a bottle of tequila ignited on fire that just burns us into the future of our dreams.

Most of the time, as I am a person of rhythm, who moves and even talks and thinks in beats, albeit irregular at times. This may be a reason why I write in iambic pentameter or just pentameter at times.

Writing has always been a passion. I have no hope but this: that one day I will look back on all the poems I have written on this blog and be able to say I am a much better writer and person now. To be able to say that I have stayed drunk on writing throughout the journey.


-samuel

I Jumped to Catch but Fell

Motivation by pain, and not love is a sad thing.

You worked so hard, but no one sees past the smoke screen.

The gentle rain showers turns the pavement grey,

It makes us all sad so the sun turns it silver again.

But oh! What a tragedy, all we felt was scorch-

ing heat, our sweat stains on our shirt drops,

Curse and swear, hating on the sunrays,

As we fail to see the beauty of the rainbow overhead.

-ct

The rainbow and the just risen sun, across the azure blue sky. It is a beautiful sight to behold. Tiny mockingbirds up in the sky, they sing a song to welcome to entering of dawn. The air is gently wet with dew and the droplets from the after-rain weather glistens on the gentle leave blades, sparkling and looking pretty just like the flower they surround. The fresh, morning smell of loveliness showered from the sky filled across the meadows, and with it they bring the morning light. This isn't like the other mornings. It is the first time I could smell the warmth of the weather, and the coolness of the sun. I stood up and was surprised at my own ability to read the scene. It has been 15 years since I last slept in this attap house, but I could still remember how it felt back then. 

I had a dream in 2 hours of sleep.

I just fell asleep peacefully for the first time and dreamt. It wasn't under the dream catcher for I wasn't under my bed. I fell asleep by the side while in my house, sprawled and reading a book when I felt tired and my eyes closed, contacts still inside. 

 Yes.

I dreamt a dream, and it was my first in ages, perhaps years. With one so clear, definitely the first.

You always knew I couldn't sleep well, I never told you why.
I never told you I never had dreams. 

Dreaming, if you ever were an inquisitive person like me, happens when there is REM. Rapid eye movement. Sleep that happen about two hours after you dozed off. That is when most dreams occur.
Deep sleep occurs after REM take place.

I fall into deep sleep quite often. At least I believe so. Why?
Because when I fall asleep its sometimes hard to wake me up and get me to a full conscious state.

But after about 6 hours since the start of my slumber, I awake at the first burst of sunrays, or the first laughter bursting forth from a distance. In fact, it's anything that's unfamiliar to the alleys of my life.

But after so long, and for the first time, I had a dream.

I dreamt something I knew was possible after a gigantic eon.
But would probably not come to pass.

But I'm happy that I dreamt. But as I look at it and realized I have not been under the dream catcher, not under the mythical protection of it, or rather, not under the protection of your good will, - I wonder if it was a good dream at all.

Pre birthday thoughts.

Having a million scattered thoughts to pen down, i went to read a book.

The breaking of waves, the white in waves... Still wondering what this means.

Searching for an answer, looking for my epiphany. 

Deadline is in 8 days.

Am i doomed?

I honestly felt this year will be my best birthday ever.

I still think so though it feels not.

Maybe my intuition can prove my feelings wrong for once.

Uneasiness

People keep strumming the wrong strings, and clap for the pop tunes, no one realises talent for its worth, and the notion of hard work is overrated.

Kill me for the post, strip me thin and bare, a brain wins rote learning when motivation's square.

Best friends

When you learn so much about a person and now you are forced to forget most of it until you become best friends again(if it ever happens), its hard. 

Its so hard.

Because honestly speaking, at least as an infj, i only stop caring if you make me slam the door on you. Or else i see no reason to slam the door.

No reason at all.

You should never slam the door on a person. Everyone is a nice person when you really get to know them deep down.

I hope i will be able to move on.

It will probably take another week, even though i told you a month. I don't think you would need to forget about me, but it would be better for you. A bridge can always be built again, but if you want to prevent a flood, build a dam.

A dam is high. A dam only let its waters flow in bursts. A dam doesnt work like a river, the water doesn't flow so often.

If we want to work it out, it has to be a dam. Meetings are less regular, at least in the beginning. After that, at least until the confirmation has come again that I've moved on, we can try out the friendship again.

My mistake the previous time was running away.

It helped and i took a month to erase the memory which wasn't strong.

But i realised.

"Running away from something is no good. But running to something, now thata different. That's running to a goal. Running away from something, if you do that you may not like what you find." - Uncle Axel, paraphrased excerpt from The Chrysalids

Its time for me to run to something instead of running away.

I'm wiser now. 

-huangxi.

A Day's Journey

The tangerine sun waltz through the sky

As time goes from dawn to dusk

The arc of the trail of its blazing rays

Like a boomerang swerved past

The cheerful chirp catapults through the boulevards 

As the gentle breeze sweeps me off my feet 

And journeys me afar

The clouds are singing

The wind is dancing 

Cant you see oh?

Its a good day rejoicing!

The streets are filled with autumn air

Canopies are shades of red

Lets have fun just like the leaves

Dancing till they're dead

Its a day - turned into night 

Let's start the campfire

We'll dance around feeling the warmth

Make merry in cold weather

The moon is glowing

The stars are shining 

Can you feel it?

We're all now sparkling!

The bonfire crackles as the wood creaks

And fades with it the light

But the ambers within glow through and through

And stay throughout the night.

As the breathing ceases and the heaving starts

We all lie on the floor

Drunkards sober whatever the like

On the ground we snore

The night is passing,

Dew is forming,

When tomorrow comes,

We'll keep walking.

-cricantrail :)

Been thinking

I've been thinking.

The way I do things, the way I try to do things. The way I help people.

One day, I'm gonna be doing it when suddenly it just breaks me.






When that happens, I hope there will be a true friend there to hold my broken pieces.

Imagine a Daydream

While I lie here in bed,
I realize why God didn't give me dreams at night.
Because in the day,
Whenever I see you I see my dreams come true

And through the skies I never see stars,
I often wonder where they are.
I thought it strange, and bizarre,
but once I saw you my mouth's ajar

Your smile is a delight to the soul,
with you the journey gets better,
It's never too late when I'm with you
For you make the darkest nights brighter

I think of you as I look at the sky;
it is a stardust twilight.
My thoughts stir from dawn to dusk;
wishing our paths again collide.

Close to the darkest of the night,
the abyss swept past me.
Terror of thoughts unfulfilled
I begin to tremble

Cohesive thoughts of you I form
To keep my mind in light
I wish to know how the story ends
so I know whether to fight; or flight.

Muses of a lark

Why are there
filters on cigarettes
As pain demands to be felt
Not to knock out but to bring a deep enough-
sounding lesson
to the student.

When will there be
the rainbow that we all awaited
From many years ago
To know that the sad rain-
of happiness drowned has gone
But not regretted that it came.

Will there ever be a time
where we can be happy
like the larks in the sky
fluttering through before the hunter-
came and took your partner's life
before you could say goodbye?

So I hope you know
that the best lesson is sorrow
In it is a yearning for pain
earnest calling of desperation till-
the Sun dawned
For that is then; when joy is, oh yes! It is known.

-samuel

Tired

Can't wait for school to start, internship is well, a fun place.

But I really miss the people in school a lot.

School is actually a fun place.
Where I can make noise, disturb people, yet get pestered like nobody's business regarding work. But at the same time where I don't have to suffer pressure alone.

Suffering pressure alone at the workplace is tiring.

KPI...... why must I hit my deadlines so fast when it isn't my fault :(

I miss consolation, I crave support. But I know that is not what I need.

I need determination and focus.

-hx

Embrace

I tried to embrace so many different genre of music, types of films. But it is always that one genre, that beautiful mystique in surreal sounds and inaudible air riffs that make me fall in love with poems, song lyrics that write a certain jingle coupled with a strange, buzzling joyful melody that brings me up and makes me sing it out loud, creating a persona in me that wants to bring my best out for this song, and this song, it resonates deep within me and holding in its charmful pocket my exact sentiments, my equilateral feelings; amplifying it and making me feel like there is a bubble; a bubble filling up the void left by the vessels around me who are mellow and drowning and the space created, this space is like a bubble bouncing gently about and me being in the centre of it; and as i see the sunbeams dazzling and glowing into my zone; i gently whisper for a door to be opened; and I hereby invite you in. :)

-huangxi

PS: practicing my prose and just writing my thoughts. :)

Poem - Human pentimento

It's the fire scene that scarred me
crimson blood dripping from the tree
Run; trip, scratch through and past twigs
I hide in the cleft; the lee of the stone.

Cracked skin; broken lines on palm
We hide what we are afraid to show
Longing to see what we do not know
Hiding from people; feeling low.

Vile reminder of life, standing in front of strife
Clammy hands; clammy feet
Independent of how much I tried
Despite all, I faced defeat

No relief from the noises above
Thundering! Yelling! yet mutterings of love
All sorts of lies, diverse masks
We put our heart in wooden casks.

The torturer knows no sorrow
His goal in sight when your pain you hide

Yet - a gall I will lick
No regrets to this life I live
Thick and thin is no difference
The world belong to the meek

Tarry in this pain
Tarry just a while
Pain brings relief to lunatics
Makes —
me smile

There is no biasedness in life
Just too many nuts
All you need is be set straight
To light up your own spark.

-huangxi

PS: aren't we all like a human pentimento.
we hide from our past, our ugly and our life.
we only show what we want others to see
so others will see and then they believe
But really our lives changed so much
as we struggle between our thoughts
who to be and what to say
cluttering thoughts in our mind each day.
constantly repainting
we want a fresh canvas
but life has no restarts
so put your best foot first.
:)

I just want to live

Its like swimming, you push yourself in, get up. It's good exercise. You train ur muscles. You get to play with water. Unleash the inner kid in you.
I wish I know how to swim.

But I can't swim. I can't. I want to experience life like others but as I push myself in all I find is a drowning me gasping for air, wanting to live the way I know. And so I held my breath and stretched my smile. There is no doubt of course, how I was the weirdest in the school of fishes swimming, always floating to the top like a whale. But it was just the case: mammal me do not own gills. It is not in my system. I conform, but I know I must be who I am.

Don't you think that I'm a runner, I'll be coming with my guns up shooting at the moon to bring the sun up.

Find no meaning in life? It's fine. Just write down a goal you think will take your entire life to achieve. Now go. Pick yourself up. You are you and only you are fully responsible for yourself and for yourself only. I learnt that a long time ago and boy, I wasn't glad. I was furious, cringing at the fact that I had to embrace such a travesty. But like the cracked mirror, it was truth. Shatter it. Shatter it. Pick up something you create. Form your own mould and mould your own form. Set apart yourself like a flower from weeds. Create your avatar and be your avatar. Don't be a facade. Be your avatar. Be one with the facade. Because you know that you deserve to be who you want to be, and people will come to like you if you are truly happy with who you are. If you are and people don't like you, you wouldn't bother anyway. That's how you know.

-sam

Current Thoughts

Meteor Shower

I can finally see that You're right there beside me
I am not my own, for I have been made new
Please don't let me go I desperately need You

I am not my own, for I have been made new
Please don't let me go I desperately need You

Song by Owl City https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwzhdRubxFo


How I feel right now in my life. I need to grab hold on to what I lost.
I lost myself.
I pursued a new goal, another new goal, another new goal, and then the mask was removed. I am no longer a facade. I don't want to hide anymore. I am not who I used to be. I can still do what I do best, but I am, on the inside just a hollow shell. And in this hollow shell I am having people lambasting words into it, like a loudhailer, and I transferred all those pain, all those thoughts, all those empty words into my own ballad, I became my own bard.


"A tongue of lamentations pouring out, a whole volume of remorse. Like wet paint, splashed on to the walls with great anguish. The crimson splatter on the floor and the slow drips, a waterfall flowing as it hits from the cascade to the base, without sound, but it can be heard. Pain can be heard."

Life securities

I want to just focus on work but there are so many problems around me. Seems like life is life huh. You can never just focus on one thing because life requires us to juggle many responsibilities.

This is why I always want to envision a beautiful future. I want to be able to have a beautiful future real bad. One where my mind can rest in the knowing of my life being secured, assured, and in bliss.

Delve

We're already in this day and age where lives are lived in a way where we are constantly seeking approval, engaging into the rat race that we forgot to take a step back and enter, delve into this new experience called living, and not just living per se but in fact doing things that are focused on one thing and the one thing that will remain - relationships. Relationships can end, but it cannot be ended without choice. Food must be consumed, clothes will get spoiled, old or out of fashion. But a relationship is different because it has the potential - to last forever. It has the potential to stay in existence so long its corresponding mind stays in existence. And when people dies, who knows? Maybe the minds are still alive, just without a mouthpiece.

-samuel

Poem - A Chance

If I have a chance
I want that chance to be you
As we go to different cafes
to talk about the sun and a sky so blue

If I have a chance
I want that chance to be you
Every smile every conversation
The connection is true.

If I have a chance
You're thinking 'bout it aren't you
how our fate intertwined
you complete my words and me you

If I have a chance
I hope that chance is you
Because being blind is better as
long as me and you are cool.

If I have a chance
It has to be you
Because if it isn't
I would be in prison

If I have a chance
I would never leave you
Because I'm afraid of being alone
But that is when I smile.

I know I have a chance
And that chance is with you
Be courageous and open my mouth
That's all I have to do

I know I have a chance
What could seperate true friends?
But this schrodinger's box
I dont want any loose ends.

If I have a chance
could you then promise
That you would be honest
and pierce my heart with your lance?

If I do stand a chance
I will take it just you wait
Bring you into the home of my heart
You wouldn't wanna leave the gate.

-huangxi

Just to discover life where we all are

This fight of my life is so hard, so hard, so hard.But I'm gonna survive. Oh oh these are beautiful times~

Thank God that FYP is going to be over soon. Really.

Dealing with people, students and lecturers that I do not like, is a tough one.
Having so many tough interviewees and irritable people around me, quite tiresome to me.

I just wanna have fun playing the guitar again.
I just wanna have someone understand me again.

I feel so drained texting. Even texting. That I feel so alone even through texting because I cannot feel the other party resonating with what I am feeling.


I am waiting for the day where I can be the lark, I don't want to be the sighing woodpecker anymore.

Raw- Silent

Silent

Sound you can hear faces you can see

But inaudible are they like the words that you read

Books galore but not a drop of wisdom

Heaven is open but not a touch was given.

To drink and not be filled is to commit a murder

For what stop rage is not actions but comfort from anger

A sparrow flies, constantly he does

Not when he hates home, but whenever he must.

A test, a challenge, a match from afar

Sent on one purpose is the invitation 

Not for doubt, neither for shame

But till i am triumphant the teacher is silent.

-raw. Undone.

Poem- Perception

The one who cried wolf
didnt hear the howl
a cry in the midst of darkness
searching for; wandering through
the forest of serene but
solitude KILLS
the tiger has its cubs
the grass has its greens
but the lone wolf seeks eternity and peace

Misunderstood as evil
forgotten by the good
despised by those better
rejected as crude
gone like the wind
were the days of old
one was respected
just for his mould

Happiness exist when sadness does
a chain has many parts
these faltering emotions go hand in hand
though they're miles apart
plateau unflattering
But mountains scaled from valleys
all serve their purpose
to bring to us an ending

God is good; says the priest
and of course his creation fine;
but what is further from the truth
is evil in mankind.

All Eternity Awaits

Above my circumstances it's You I worship

My life surrendered in the mercy of your love

Nothing can be compared to this I now know

You spoke the universe into existence

Poem - Need to hang on

I need to hang on I need to persevere
There no more sound my ears cant hear
In this lonely night so dark and alone
The things I see i doubt its true

No value of matter no matter of value
All I need a rope, a method to heal
Leave the abyss, leave this town
But what if that aint what I need now